Don't Live for Approval...You Control Your Own Destiny

I wrote this a little over six months ago and can honestly say that "Don't Live for Approval; You Control Your Own Destiny" has become my mantra. At the time, certain people in my life were attempting to control and manipulate me, as well as the serious relationship I had been in for several years. If they had won the battle I would not be following my dreams to say the least. I eventually realized that I should not have to compromise my happiness for others--especially for the people who wouldn't be willing to do the same for me!

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with positivity, especially inspirational quotations. Some of the quotes listed below are written on sticky notes strategically placed around my home--my bathroom mirror, my desk, my refrigerator.  Reminding yourself that you are a strong, capable human being who deserves happiness is the key to being just that! Your outlook on how to approach each day and the people you choose to associate with make all the difference.

For the record, I’m not a religious person. However, I think Joel Osteen is a good motivational speaker. I was given a DVD of his sermon titled “Don’t Live For Approval” these are the powerful quotes that I loved the most:

- When we get our worth and value from what people think, when we play up to people because of insecurities—this makes us easy to control and manipulate. We let people put us in a box and make us into something that we’re not.

- People don’t follow their own dreams because they’re worried they won’t meet the demands of family and friends, and will fall out of good graces with them. But, if their approval is only based on you meeting all of their demands and keeping them happy, then they don’t actually care about you—they are MANIPULATORS and CONTROLLERS.

- Don’t spend your life trying to keep everyone around you happy. Some people don’t want to be happy.

- You have to be secure enough to say, “I love you, but I’m not going to let you control me.”

- If you think, “If I do this or that, they may not be happy.” Well, maybe it's time for them to not be happy instead of you not being happy.

- You have to take charge of your own life.

- If you’re being manipulated and letting somebody pressure you into being something that you’re not, it's not the other person’s fault; it's your own fault. YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY!

- You can be nice, you can be respectful, but you have to put your foot down and quit allowing people to make you feel guilty because you don’t meet all of their demands.

- Life is too short to try to keep everyone happy.

- If you’re going to fulfill your own destiny then you have to stay true to your own heart and not let the pressures of those around you squeeze you into their mold.

- People that get upset that you didn’t do it their way are not really “for” you, they don’t have your best interest at heart. Because if they were “for” you they would be mature enough to say, “Even if you don’t do it my way, I’ll support you because I want to see you succeed.”

- If you tell someone what’s in your heart, a true friend would support your happiness. But if they just try to make you feel bad, then that is someone who is more interested in controlling you, not helping you fulfill your destiny.

- Maybe you have a relative who compliments everyone in the family except you—don’t let them steal your joy. You don’t need their approval; they can’t keep you from rising higher.

- It's good to be open to listening to mentors, parents, and friends but you have to follow your own heart.

- Be careful of people who always have “a word from the Lord” for you—that should simply confirm what you already know on the inside. “God will not tell you something about my life and not tell me.”

- Don’t base any decision off of what somebody told you that doesn’t line up with what you feel on the inside.

- Sometimes in order to please yourself you’re going to have to displease others.

- When you follow what's in your heart other people may not be happy, but you will be happy.

- Life is too short to go through it controlled, manipulated, trying to please other people, trying to win their approval. You don’t need people like that in your life.

- If you keep falling into that trap, letting people put a guilt trip on you, making you feel bad because you don’t call every time on cue, their upset because you don’t take their advice—that is going to keep you from your destiny.

- Don’t be so concerned with making other people happy that you miss out of the new things in life.

- You will not become everything you were meant to be with the approval of everyone around you.

- Most of the time, someone will get jealous, someone won’t understand, someone will try to belittle you, try to discredit you…You can get in there and try to fight that battle, try to prove them that they’re wrong and you’re right—or you can take the high road.

- When you’re secure enough in who you are, when you’re confident enough in the destiny in front of you, that even when people don’t celebrate you, when they purposefully overlook you and withhold their approval—you have to keep a smile on your face, keep moving forward, keep being your best and nothing will stop you.

- You may not have the approval of someone who is “important” in your life, but don’t waste your time trying to win their favor. Spend time making yourself happy.

- You don’t have time to try to convince everyone to like you; your destiny is too great to waste time fighting battles that don’t matter.

- If somebody doesn’t celebrate you, MOVE ON. If they walked away, YOU DIDN’T NEED THEM.

- Playing up to people takes a lot of energy. Trying to keep everyone fixed and happy is very draining. Wondering what everybody thinks in emotionally exhausting. There’s a freedom in realizing that you don’t have to compete for someone’s approval. Run your race, focus on your goals, be your best and you’ll be much happier.

- SOME PEOPLE CAN’T EVEN RUN THEIR OWN LIVES AND THEY’RE TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW TO RUN YOURS.

- We have to realize that not everyone is going to understand what you’re called to do and they will try to put you in their box. And if you’re a people-pleaser you’re going to miss the awesome future in store for you.

- Usually the people that make the loudest noise, that take the most of your time and energy, are the first to leave as soon as you hit the smallest bump in the road.

- Save your time and energy for people who you know are behind you. Who are with you through thick and thin?

- * * If you will be strong, run your race, stay focused, not let others control you, you’re going to step into a new level of your destiny. You’re going to see new seasons of growth, new friendships, new opportunities; you’ll be taken to places you’ve never dreamed of.  * *

Rachel Reed holds a BA in English Linguistics from the University of Houston and is currently a pre-law graduate student seeking a Master's Humanities and Women's Studies. She is a feminist activist, writer, and travel enthusiast. You can follow her on Twitter @rachelwreed and read more of her writing at FEMlog.